Welcome to parenting. Here, you’re in for the ride of your life. As a new parent, here’s a roundup of funny, frustrating, mundane, and extraordinary things you’ll deal with as your kid grows up…
Welcome to parenting intro
Welcome to parenting…stage one
- Once you start sharing the story of your baby’s birth, people will feel free to share their own horrendous tales.
- Even if you plan on having more kids, you’ll want to burn all of your maternity clothes once you’ve gotten your pre-baby body back.
- You will discover that your washing machine eats tiny baby socks.
- If you’ve got ten minutes, you’ll know that it’s enough to shower, wash your hair, get dressed, and put on a face.
Welcome to parenting…stage two
- You will start to fantasize about the things you’d swap for eight straight hours of sleep.
- You’ll never stop freaking out over clipping a baby’s toe-or-finger nails
- You will start dreading encounters with preschoolers with runny noses.
- You’ll never touch another baby’s hands or his face if he is not yours.
- You will become somewhat dependent on caffeine.
- You’ll overdress your kids for winter outings.
- You will double check that your partner has his phone with him every time he takes the baby out for a walk in the stroller.
Welcome to parenting…stage three
- You’ll never feel complete when walking outside alone again.
- You feel like you can never love another child as much as you love this one.
- You’ll try to think of ways of helping your baby outgrow that mullet.
- You will place your baby’s picture over the pre-existing one you have in your wallet of your wedding day.
- You’ll laugh so hard you’ll feel like peeing your pants when you see your kid dance to music for the first time in his or her life.
- You will strike up conversations with complete strangers just because they have kids or are expecting them.
- You’ll wake up feeling sick some days, but somehow, you’ll find the strength get moving because you’ve got a little human to tend to.
Welcme to parenting…final stages of the baby years
- You’ll cry over that first set of newborn clothes your baby grows out of.
- You’ll be jealous of the ‘alone time’ your husband gets during his daily commute to work.
- You will find it hard to keep your bond with your childless friends intact.
- You’ll come to love your stretch marks, eventually.
- You will find the perfect playschool for your kid, it’s out there, don’t stop searching for it.