This article is for all the dads out there, and even the women that are yet to embrace motherhood. The mom vocabulary is something that everyone needs to get to grips with. So let’s break it down for you.
Mom Vocabulary must-know terms
Birth Plan (noun)
A non-realistic idea of how a woman wants her baby’s birth to happen. The activity might include music, important people in the room, and drugs to be used during the process. This plan almost always gets used to make paper planes with since it never happens the way it was planned.
Diaper Bag (noun)
Giant purse that can hold a myriad of items. Clean on the outside but contains a hot mess of diapers, pacifiers, toys, wrappers, cracker crumbs, dried-out wipes, and failed mom aspirations.
Helicopter Parent (noun)
A parent that hovers over their children. This parent never lets their kids do or experience anything for themselves.
High Heels (noun)
Dusty shoes that date back to a woman’s pre-mothering days. Kept around in the hopes that she’ll have the opportunity of getting a pedi and putting on these unicorns again. Moms can sometimes be found playing with their high heels like kids play tea party. This gives her a brief moment to reflect on a classier and sexier time in her life.
Perfectly suitable word to describe the state of your child’s clothes, face and hair.
Mom Hair (noun)
The state of a mother’s hair when it has not been brushed, washed or coloured due to distractions from her kids. To combat this condition, some females opt for a short haircut that requires none of the above-mentioned actions. Sadly, this does not cure the condition but instead makes it more permanent.
Nap Time (noun)
A time during the day that parents look forward to. This time motivates parents to push through to savour an hour (or ten minutes) of peace. Although a break is deserved, this time is generally used to wash dishes and laundry. It can also be used to sob quietly into a pillow.
Skinny Jeans (noun)
A pair of jeans that is way too small for the owner’s butt and thighs. Still, these pants are kept neatly folded in the closet for a day when weight loss is achieved, and butt muscles return to their former glory.
Magic, moist towelettes that also double up as tissues, diaper cloths, napkins, emergency plates, toilet paper, band-aids or hats.
A term used to describe a major parental fail. Examples of applicable scenarios include locking your child in the car with your keys. Forgetting a child at home, leaving a child unattended with a permanent marker and giving your child an electronic toy are also applicable situations.
Yoga Pants (noun)
Seen as a staple item of clothing for mothers for numerous reasons. Such reasons include comfort, ease of access, ability to disguise true thigh size and the implication that one exercises.