First-time grandparent realisations that almost everyone has

If you are about to become a first-time grandparent, we suppose congratulations are in order. Your baby is about to have a baby, and your world is about to change forever. You still see a sleeping, chubby-cheeked infant when you look at your daughter, so it’s a big thing to process. Here are some realisations you’ll come to have as you embrace the time leading up to and first few weeks of life as a grandmother or grandfather.   First-time grandparent truths You won’t be able to get over how weird it looks to see your daughter’s baby bump Yes, your belly is now mostly made up of beer and burritos dad, but who cares. You now get to bond with your daughter, fussing about how hard it is to find pants that actually fit. Oh and there’s the heartburn too. You can bond over that matter too.   You’re pretty sure you’re more excited about the baby than the parents are Becoming a parent for the first time is a joyful time in your life, but it also sees a rise in anxie…
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The mom vocabulary, because words are confusing, and we’re here to help

This article is for all the dads out there, and even the women that are yet to embrace motherhood. The mom vocabulary is something that everyone needs to get to grips with. So let’s break it down for you.   Mom Vocabulary must-know terms Birth Plan (noun) A non-realistic idea of how a woman wants her baby’s birth to happen. The activity might include music, important people in the room, and drugs to be used during the process. This plan almost always gets used to make paper planes with since it never happens the way it was planned.   Diaper Bag (noun) Giant purse that can hold a myriad of items. Clean on the outside but contains a hot mess of diapers, pacifiers, toys, wrappers, cracker crumbs, dried-out wipes, and failed mom aspirations.   Helicopter Parent (noun) A parent that hovers over their children. This parent never lets their kids do or experience anything for themselves.   High Heels (noun) Dusty shoes that date back to a woman’s pre-mothering …
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Things that make a mom…including epic failures

Every mom has secrets about her parenting that she’d never share with anyone else. But our failures, our unique twists, our brilliant comebacks…they are what makes a mom. Being a mom is not always glamorous. Actually, it’s a hot mess most of the time. But it’s still bloody awesome. If you can relate to any of these, you’re one of the realest moms out there…   Things that make a mom Feeding your kids baked beans for dinner because everything else takes way too long to cook Hungry toddlers don’t sit around patiently waiting for food. Also, they kind of love baked beans. This is perfectly okay. So is cereal and 2-minute noodles. If it’s gotta be fast, it won’t be fancy. The great thing here is that toddlers love anything that you didn’t cook. Even if you spent hours slaving away behind the stove, they’d still be much happier with a can of beans than they are with roasted veggies and meat.   Skipping pages of the book when reading to your kids at bedtime Once 7…
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Mom confessions you’ll relate to

Sometimes, we moms have bad days when we feel like we just can’t cope. We’re all hot messes. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others. Here are a few mom confessions, collected from the web, that proves we’re okay with being not-so-perfect moms.   Mom confessions we love 1. “I smelled the poo, but waited until my husband smelled it. That’s the one time I didn’t have to change the diaper.” It’s super hard to miss THAT smell. Mom is on duty all day and has to deal with nappy explosions on the daily. Dad can cope with one, right? There’s nothing wrong with allowing 10 minutes to pass, but if it extends past 10 minutes, you have to assume he’s playing the same game.   2. “Sometimes, I fantasise about getting in my car and driving off into the sunset. Or at least just going to get Mc Nuggets.” Some days, everyone wakes up cranky, and everyone is annoyed for no reason whatsoever. The baby won’t stop crying. The toddler is breaking down the house. And y…
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What you need to know about your friend, the new dad

For the new dad, life is awesome, and parenthood is a wild adventure that’s super-fulfilling. But it’s also stealing his sanity, and you don’t understand why. Here’s what you really need to know about your friend that recently became a dad.

Understanding the new dad (a.k.a your mate) 1. Photos of his kid will flood your newsfeed

Before he entered the village of fatherhood, the new dad would post the funniest, most random things on social media. But now, it’s a selfie of him and his kid. He’s ridiculously proud of keeping his kid alive. If social media is the canvas, his baby is the paint.

2. He won’t answer your text as quickly as he used to

In fact, it might even take him days to reply. Why? Because when you’re expecting him to respond, he’s either dodging his baby’s fluids or trying to figure out why t…

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Moms don’t give a crap about these things anymore

Before you became a mom, you were elegant, polite, and always on time. You made time for everyone and drinking alone was something that only alcoholics did. But things have changed a lot since you entered the realm of motherhood. Here’s what moms don’t give a crap about…   Moms don’t give a crap about… Being late You’ve tried being on time for a few brunches, screaming baby in tow, and you’ve ditched the idea altogether. Today, you’re happy to ditch restaurants with strict arrival times for joints where you can grab your own drink and sit wherever you want. You work on your kid’s timetable these days, and their sense of timing sucks.   Hanging out with fake friends You barely have time to go to the gym or get your nails done. No way in hell are you going to waste that precious time on friends that you don’t like. Besides, you’ve got better things to do. Like taking the perfect picture of your bento box creation for your Instagram account.   Wearing…
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What not to say to a sleep training mom (unless you want to sustain injuries)

The decision to sleep train a baby is massive. It’s exhausting for parents, physically and emotionally. Regardless of what technique she’s using, there are some things a sleep training mom never wants to hear. Let’s take a look at the phrases that might just result in her throat punching the heck out of you.

Don’t say THIS to a sleep training mom 1. “My baby slept through the night at six weeks.”

First off: this magical, heavy-eyed creature who “sleeps through the night at six weeks” just doesn’t exist. Anyone who tries to sell this idea is straight up lying. Plus, they’re gloating during a seriously tough time for the sleep training mom.

2. “But have you tried…”

She’s tried swaddling, white noise, and even that ridiculous miracle sleep suit. Nothing works. If you’ve thought of something to get your kid …

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New moms don’t want to hear this, so please, shut it already

While you might be tempted to dish out unsolicited advice, there are a few things that new moms don’t want to hear. Yes, you might be an old-hat mom and know ALL the tricks of the trade. Perhaps you really mean well with your words, but please, for the love of all things holy, don’t say it. So dear random stranger at the grocery store, here’s what to NEVER say to new moms…   What new moms don’t want to hear 1. You should sleep when the baby sleeps A yeah, duh! But whatever, this isn’t going to happen. Life doesn’t stop when a new baby makes his or her appearance, so this is simply impossible. The animals or other kids in the house need to be fed. There are bills to pay, showers to take, housework to do, and friends, family, and a husband to hang out with. And in order to do those things, you can’t sleep when the baby sleeps.   2. Why didn’t you go the natural route for birth? Look, whatever YOUR birth story looks like, it was just that. YOURS. You can ta…
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If babies could talk –Here’s what they’d say!

Although they might not be able to voice their thoughts yet, it’s fun to imagine what our little humans would say if babies could talk. Based on their side eye and weird facial expressions, here’s what we reckon they’d bring up in conversation   What we’d hear if babies could talk… The breakfast chat Hey mom, why are you still eating two helpings of breakfast? I know you’ve told people that you’re still breastfeeding and all, but it’s time to get real man. You’re supplementing me with that formula on the counter. You’re eating just as much as me, every four hours. But whatever makes you feel better. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like my bottle so I can throw it on the floor.   Breastfeeding session Oh man, lunch! I LOOOOOVE lunch. Mom, I love lunch so much. Yes, you’re taking one out. I have been waiting for this way too long. I really don’t want to yell for my food every time man, can you not just get with the program? Also, don’t tell people I’, grumpy when …
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Which kind of school drop off mom are you?

When it comes to dropping your kid off at school, it’s anything but a hit and run scenario. This is where you’ll be forced to interact with, and generally be nice to a range of people you might not associate with outside of the school yard. So, which kind of school drop off mom are you? We’ve listed them all here, which should help you identify your traits.   Spotting the school drop off mom: Ten different types 1. The fit mom This school drop off mom will make you feel bad about the way you look in yoga pants. She’s actually heading to the gym after drop off. She’s not just wearing those clothes because they feel nice on her skin. And she’s got a protein shake in hand to prove that too.   2. The busy bee You can spot this mom by giving a quick once over at the stack of registration forms she’s holding. She’s got all the details for the latest whatever that nobody wants to get involved with. And you bet your behind she wants to get you to sign up!  …
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