Back before you had kids, babies on a plane were the most annoying thing ever. Now that you’re a parent, it’s still the most annoying thing. The only difference is that you’re doing air travel with a baby. This is your circus, and those are your monkeys. Here’s a look at what kind of thoughts parents have when flying with their babies.
Stages of air travel with a baby
1. Dear Lord, do I really have to get on a plane with my baby?
Honestly, air travel with a baby shouldn’t even be a thing. It’s 2019 already. Why aren’t we able to teleport yet? You consider the idea of driving to your destination. No wait, the idea of 14 hours on the road with a baby sounds terrible.
2. Okay, the flight is booked. I am officially doing this. But I’m terrified!
What if your baby has an Exorcist-style meltdown and you get kicked off the flight? You need goody bags. Not just for the baby, for all the other passengers too. You also need a whack load of books, toys, snacks, 18 bottles of wine, a nanny, and your own private jet.
3. We made it through the gates!
You can’t believe you’ve passed through security without any hassles. You’re almost ready to board. The flight also works well with your baby’s feeding schedule. But if you get delayed by 5 minutes, you’re ready to rant about it on social media. You’re ready to get this show on the road. Or air. Whatever. You just want to be done with it.
4. Feeling like a maternal goddess, you’re all in your seats, and the baby is asleep.
Yeah, you’ve got badass mom skills. Why were you so nervous about this? The baby might just sleep through the entire flight while you eat a snack and catch up on the latest celeb gossip. As soon as you land, everyone will applaud, and you can write a book on air travel with a baby. This is a.w.e.s.o.m.e
5. OH. NO. She’s waking up!
Seriously, this can’t be happening. We just took off. Please baby, play it cool, okay? Everyone on this plane might end up totally loving or absolutely hating us. And our fate now rests on your tiny shoulders. No pressure. Just saying.
6. Please don’t start cryi…Oh no, she’s crying now!
Right now, you’re the person with a crying baby on the plane. Did you ever imagine your life turning out this way? Where did you go wrong? The man next to you looks like he’s ready to bail out of the emergency exit door.
7. Will this flight ever end?
You’ve exhausted all your resources. The baby is crying. Again. She isn’t interested in snacks, books aren’t helping, and I am out of funny faces. Also, the lady in B2 keeps muttering something about birth control under her breath.
8. Finally, we’re landing!
You feel like you just want to thank the inventors of pacifiers, diaper, and baby wipes for all their effort. Also, the pilot, the flight attendants, and of course the plane itself was also just the best. You are never doing this again. Well, at least not until the return flight home.